He don't have a heart. I just keep feeding him shells. He gets it poppin' in the hood, so his name ring bells.

7.29.2005

Movie: Wedding Crashers


The mind-numbing treatment plan continues!

Day 3 of the "catch my brother up at the movies" fest featured Wedding Crashers, a movie that I was excited to see when I saw the first trailer, and then witnessed my enthusiasm wane over the following months. I think it was seeing the guys I knew who were also excited about it - the "drunken late-20s but we're still kinda college age, right?" crowd, to be exact.

Trailer review:
Flightplan - Do I have to see this friggin thing every time I walk in a theater?!?
Just Like Heaven - See above.
The 40-Year-Old Virgin - Older geek trying to get laid? Steve Carell? Sign me the F up.
Domino - They need to cut a new trailer for this movie. I'm sure the film's gonna be great, but this trailer SUCKS and will not get anyone into the theater who wasn't already going to go.

And Wedding Crashers? Hysterical, although I fear it lacks the shelflife of the comedies on my DVD shelf. I'd rank it closer to American Wedding than Anchorman, but still a great time at the movies. Simple plot, simple character molds for the cast to fit into, which left them with most of their energy to be put to comedic use. Vince and Owen were great, with Vince stealing most of the movie's jokes. Rachel McAdams is a goddess, and Isla Fisher is a lot funnier and hotter than she comes across in the trailers. I also loved seeing two actors whose only major roles were as gay men (Sack Lodge, who was the Michael Ian Black's lover in Wet Hot American Summer, and Carson Elrod, one of the gay best friends in Kissing Jessica Stein) playing the most over-aggressive hyper-hetero preppie athletes imaginable. Go see it, or rent it, but don't make a life long commitment to it.

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7.28.2005

Movie: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Well, turns out I was half-right on this one.

I have been getting in heated arguments for close to a year about the casting of Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka. I didn't like it, thought it was shortsighted ("Willy Wonka is weird, Depp is weird... Perfect!"), and I had a different actor in mind for the role: Will Ferrell. I just think a combination of his character from Elf and his character from the "Get off the shed!" SNL skit would have been perfect. However, I do not have the "juice" in Hollywood yet, so I don't get to decide these things. My opinion for months has been that Depp would do an ok-but-not-good-enough job as Wonka, but Burton would knock it out of the park. Turns out that I thought Depp was pretty good (sub-par to Gene Wilder, but acceptable), but Burton screwed it up.

I hate to say that, too, because the first 30 minutes of the movie, leading up to the children's admittance to the factory, was almost perfect. The Buckets' home was a near-perfect Burton creation, and the news reports on the other winners were wonderful. Charlie is shown as possessing all the necessary over-abundance of morals to make the ending satisfying. And once you enter the factory, there are still things to like. The sets are impressive. Many of the children are more engaging than the original team (especially Anna-Sophia Robb, who plays Violet Beauregarde so amazingly well that she risks stealing the movie from Charlie until that fateful piece of gum).

And Depp's interpretation of Willy Wonka as a boy who never ever had to grow up or even learn how to communicate with the outside world was well-realized, and even made the silliness I hated in the trailers plausible, since his entire existance didn't have one bit of seriousness to it. I even liked the inclusion of the Wonka origin story, starring Christopher Lee as Saruman the dentist.

But sadly, the film just felt too safe. Wonka's factory is supposed to be amazing to the point of being uncomfortable to those of us who are familiar with the outside world. The original film puts you on edge the whole time, as Wilder's behavior in these odd surroundings is so contrary to normalcy that you have no idea what he might do next. In this film, everything seems recycled and safe, and can be toured with the leisure of a ride from Walt Disney World. Furthermore, the decision to make Wonka such a flawed character than Charlie has to teach him the meaning of family is... well, its there in the source material, but Wonka is supposed to learn from Charlie by observing, not by showing all his faults to Charlie! Once Charlie (and the audience) realizes that Wonka is going to need Charlie to lead him by the hand, the magic of the factory has completely gone, and it seems like a sad escape for a flawed little boy, not someplace that any child would dream to live in.

Yes, I'm holding this movie to a high standard, but this story in the hands of this director should be. And it sadly falls short.

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7.27.2005

Movie: The Island

Last night, my brother suggested that we should blow off any productive activities that we might have planned in favor of mind-dulling summer movie entertainment. After a few minutes of debate standing in front of the ticket counter at Providence Place, Wedding Crashers was narrowly edged out by The Island. (Hustle & Flow was debated for about 16 seconds, until I remembered that it played at Sundance, which disqualified it for the evening. Not mind-numbing enough. Maybe next time.) We had both been dying to see it, for a bunch of reasons. Sci-fi action movies are cool. (True, but not the real reason.) Michael Bay is a great director. (Lie.) Scarlett Johanssen is HOT. (Ding ding ding! Jackpot!) OK, so only one reason, but a perfectly valid one. Similar to my reason for seeing King Arthur (I heart you, Keira) and The Girl Next Door (Ditto, Ms. Cuthbert).

Before we hit my opinions on the film in question, let's do a brief trailer review.
Flightplan - Eh. Not 35 yet, so I'm not the target audience.
V For Vendetta - Just shy of awesome. Natalie Portman could get beaten about the head with a club, and still be gorgeous.
Red Eye - Pretty cool, although I remain convinced that this movie will rank high on the Awes-o-meter when I finally get to see it.
Just Like Heaven - One chuckle, otherwise shlock. You better be GORGEOUS if you want me to go to this movie with you.

Now, as for The Island: totally OK. I don't have very strong opinions on anything contained in it, but I can tell you that I had a great time watching it. Scarlett has never been this glamorous hot before, although she seemed a hair more obtainable in Lost in Translation and Ghost World. Plenty of funny moments scattered through the more serious sci-fi dystopia stuff, some great car explosions, and a great supporting cast. In fact, the only really remarkable thing to me was the wonderful work done by Djimon Hounsou as a mercenary bounty hunter who decides to become more involved than was necessary in his original contract. Perfectly fun movie, with very little to annoy you, which is more than can be said for most summer popcorn movies.

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7.26.2005

Song: "Behind These Hazel Eyes", Kelly Clarkson

I am currently addicted to this song. Still scared to drop $15 on the whole album, but I have to admit that songs like this are why I often lose respect in the critical community. Yeah, its cheesy, but it is also totally awesome. Kind of like Bride of Chucky. If only I hadn't had my MP3 player stolen, I would iTunes the shit out of this song.

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Movie: The Devil's Rejects

It is a momentous occasion! The weblog got its first reader comment yesterday! Which means that someone actually read it, which is... well, its amazing. But wholeheartedly welcome!

At any rate, enough gushing about my newfound Internet celebrity. Let's talk about a movie that I hoped that I would like, and was shocked to end up loving: The Devil's Rejects. This thing is... geez, where to start. Well, first of all, I'm going to assume this isn't the first review you've read, and so let me clear something up: it isn't as gory and disgusting as every reviewer seems to claim. Yes, the characters are depraved psychos. Yes, being cast in this movie and having a vagina means that you will be required to show ample amounts of flesh before your screen time is over. But the violence is as heavily contained in words and vocal reactions as it is in on-screen imagery.

And that makes the movie a lot better. I, for one, need more than a bloody frame of celluloid to get my heart pumping. What really terrifies me in films are seemingly real-life characters that act in ways so contrary to what I consider normalcy that it is almost impossible to predict their next move. This is why Lucky McKee's May is still the creepiest and best horror movie I have ever seen. And the Firefly family in Rejects fall into the same category. Is it conceivable that Captain Spaulding would tap me on my shoulder at a gas station and ask me for my car? Absolutely. If Baby asked me to fuck her in a motel room, would I have enough presence of mind to anticipate danger approaching from behind me? No way in hell. Not only are the killers believable, the victims are understandably unprepared to deal with this level of psychosis, and it keeps you slightly on edge for the whole film.

But the true winning feature of this movie is.... it is absolutely HYSTERICAL. No kidding. So fucking funny, I can hardly stand it. Campy, intentional humor, but every scene is littered with the kind of laughs that will get you the worst kind of stares from your date, who is too horrified to contemplate giggling. And I think this is where the bad reviews start rolling in. If you are too disgusted by the violence to remember to have fun, then I'm sure the movie seems like a complete tonal misstep. However, for those of us that can watch almost any horror imagery imaginable and retain our ability to laugh and have fun... well, you'd be hard pressed to find a more enjoyable film in theaters right now.

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