Music: The Grammys Are Dead

Officially. Done. They are a joke. And while I suppose that many of you have suspected that this has been the case for a long time, they PROVED it last night. Proved that, beyond any shadow of doubt, they are so completely out of touch with the music scene that they ought to never hand out a trophy again. Let's look at some of the worst offenders:

Album of the Year: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb, U2

Ok. C'mon. Seriously. What voter sat down with his ballot and said, "You know what the best album I heard all year was? U2. No doubt." Anyone? If you did, please stand up. Now please never vote again. First of all, the album was released in 2004. It is February of 2006. That said, even in 2004, was U2 a consensus choice to make critics' top 10 lists? No. Granted, the rest of the category shouldn't have been nominated either. But how the industry can hold up this album as its most crowning achievement last year is... well, its amazing.

Best Pop Vocal Album: Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson

Now, I have made it perfectly clear that I am head over heels for Ms. Clarkson, and any other year I would have hailed this victory as a visionary selection. Until you scroll through the other nominees, and find... Extraordinary Machine, Fiona Apple. Yep. And as much as I've swallowed the Clarkson Kool-Aid, even I don't think her album is better than the masterpiece that Fiona Apple released last year. No one should.

Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group: "Don't Phunk With My Heart", The Black Eyed Peas

This one requires no commentary. It's just dumb. It doesn't even matter who else was nominated. (Although, for the record, every other song in the category is a million times better than this one.) I would have preferred to see the Ying Yang Twins win this nonsense.

So, I'm filling out the toe tag. We're done, Grammys. I have given up pretending that you know what you are doing.

That said, here are a couple of things they did get right: (And to be clear, yes, there are more things in this list than in the above list, but the omissions are so egregious above that they far outweigh the good that was done.)

Best New Artist: John Legend
Best Female Pop Vocal Performance: "Since U Been Gone", Kelly Clarkson
Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals: "Feel Good Inc.", Gorillaz feat. De La Soul
Best Hard Rock Performance: "B.Y.O.B.", System of a Down
Best Male R&B Vocal Performance: "Ordinary People", John Legend
Best Rap Solo Performance: "Gold Digger", Kanye West

Categories: Music